Monday, October 26, 2009

So much to complain about....

I complain about my cleavage. It's not what it used to be. An inch or so lower and more cylindrical than I'd prefer. Now I know why they add that little extra "sock" to tank tops, although that only works for a few years. I can't go braless any more. Can't pass the pencil test. My breast length is racing my hair length and I can no longer play Mermaid in the bathtub.

I complain about my hair. In the quest for the perfect curl, I end up with light-socket frizz. I can't blow it dry. I can't wash it at night. I wash it in the morning and have to wait until 10:00 for it to dry. Wavy but not curly. What used to be golden is now brown. With some gray.... little patches here and there. Unwelcome silvery strands to catch the light. A reminder of lost youth.

I complain about my body. Strange, lumpy parts replace the once over-looked smooth areas. I can't drink without a hangover. Aches and pains visit with more frequency. Gone is the ability to scarf down a double cheeseburger and shake. Now, every calorie likes to hang out, just in case it's needed.

I complain about time. Not enough of the lazy, day-off kind. Too much of the busy, run-around kind. It takes too long to walk here, or run there. There's not enough time in the day to take on that last task; usually housework.

I complain about so much. But I don't complain about my hair falling out from Chemo. Or the doctor wanting to take more breast tissue (just to be cautious). I don't complain about heaving until there's nothing left to give. Or the needle marks covering my skin. I don't complain about being given a length of time in which I can live.

The fact is, I have cleavage. And hair. And a healthy body. And time...... I am not sick. I am lucky. Many are not. I have decided to honor my friends, my family, my sisters in breast-hood by simply shutting my mouth. I will not complain about life, as I have permission to live it however I please. The coffee line is too long? Someone cut me off in traffic? The electric bill is too high? Lucky.

Lucky to be here.....


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